“Mr. and Mrs. Doe, we need to talk.” Just a few words, and yet the ensuing conversation is often life changing. Maybe you saw something special and different in your child and set up testing for him yourself. Perhaps your child’s teacher pulled you to the side and strongly suggested you get your child tested because she is exhibiting signs of learning and/or behavior issues. Regardless…the results are in. You have a special-needs child. Now what?
Don’t Panic
Meet Jan* and her five-year-old son, Josh*. Josh was a late walker and talker. He hated the feel of certain fabrics and household surfaces. He couldn’t stand the way some foods smelled, tasted, or felt in his mouth. His mom took him to doctor after doctor. They tried some occupational and play therapy. Slowly, Josh began to expand his range of food choices and his speech improved. His parents were pleased. Progress at last!
Then it was time for Josh to begin school. It was immediately obvious to all that Josh wasn’t like other students. Josh’s teacher and his mom met many, many times about his inability to stay focused on classwork, discussions, story time, etc. Finally, Jan agreed to have Josh tested. She took him to a doctor that specializes in children’s learning, cognitive, and behavioral issues. She wrote me the day she got Josh’s diagnosis.
The discussion went something like, “Erin, what am I going to do? He was diagnosed with autism, ADHD, anxiety, OCD, dyslexia, and dysgraphia! My poor kid!” My response? “Congratulations! Your son is amazing and special!”
VIDEO: Tell Me a Story: Special Needs Change Family’s Look at LifeCoping with the Changes
Most parents will feel helpless and scared at first, like Jan.
Here are a few tips for dealing with the rush of emotions and strategies for helping parents care for children with special needs.
1. Find your tribe.
Remember you are not alone. Find the people that will listen, provide respite, and be understanding. Don’t hesitate to cut out those that are not supportive. There are even online support groups for when nobody is available.
2. Your child is unique, so don’t compare them to others.
It is ok if your child doesn’t meet the same developmental milestones as other, typical children. In fact, she probably won’t. Which brings us to #3.
3. Live in the moment and celebrate the small victories.
Be grateful for the things your child can do and the achievements he does reach. Find articles about special needs and other ways to remind you that all the little things add up.
4. Don’t forget self-care.
This is among the most important. Take time to take care of yourself and your marriage/other relationships. Self-care ensures that you are mentally, emotionally, and physically strong enough to continue to take care of your child.
5. Educate yourself.
Learn everything you can about your child’s diagnosis. The more you know, the better champion you will be for your child. Learn how can your child cope with ADHD, dyslexia, and all the anxiety that comes with learning and behavioral challenges. Be sure you understand what rights and accommodations your child has when they attend school, such as a 504 Plan, an IEP, and appropriate accommodations and modifications.
You may not make a difference to everyone in the world, but you will define the world for your children.